Likewise in true “Third World” fashion don’t expect much in terms of directions, advice and or explanations to quote the Director of Companies of Jamaica, the body responsible for registering business names and incorporating companies Ms. Judith Ramlogan “Our company is not obligated to provide information about our services to our clients”.

Despite such arrogance and stupidity, do not be discourage, I have compile the Jamaican Cheat Sheet: Small Business to help you find your way.

Registering your Business
First stop is the Companies of Jamaica website where you can download and print the form you require, depending on your needs. What they may or may not tell you though is that:

Expiration of your certificate does not mean cancellation, you continue to owe the Government for all renewals until the name is cancelled. Keep in mind you might also be audited for taxes though your business is defunct.

Also need to walk with 3 passport size pictures and your TRN number and remember the registration fee.

Companies of Jamaica
1 Grenada Way
Kingston
Tel: 876-908-4419-26

National Insurance Scheme (NIS)
Download your relevant NIS forms and complete and drop off at the NIS office.

Walk with two 2 passport size pictures signed by a JP, and your birth certificate.

National Insurance Scheme
18 Ripon Road
Kingston 5
Tel: 876-929-7144-6

Taxpayer Registration Number (TRN)
Download your TRN FORMS and drop off at the office. Requirements are the same as those for the (NIS) number.

TRN Office
Kingston Mall
12 Ocean Boulevard
Kingston
Tel: 876-922-7429/922-3913

Inland Revenue Dept.
Register with Inland Revenue Department for income tax. Download the applicable forms. Register for Income Tax, Education Tax (ED Tax), General Consumption Tax (GCT) and other statutory deductions.

National Housing Trust (NHT)
Download the relevant forms, complete and drop off at the NHT office.

National Housing Trust
4 Park boulevard
Kingston 5
Tel: 876-929-6500/929-6627

Tax Compliance Certificate (TCC)
Download the TCC form and email it to the following locations.

KINGSTON: tcckingstreet@ird.gov.jm
CONSTANT SPRING: tcccspring@ird.gov.jm
SPANISH TOWN: tccspntwn@ird.gov.jm
MANDEVILLE: tccmandeville@ird.gov.jm
MAY PEN: tccmaypen@ird.gov.jm
ST. ANNS BAY: tccstaby@ird.gov.jm
MONTEGO BAY: tccmobay@ird.gov.jm

You can collect your TCC within 24hrs from the location you sent your email to.

NOTE
All information listed here is schedule to change, and expect this to be as tedious and as time consuming as possible, in the end though it is well worth it as without your contribution to the countries coffers you really don’t have a say.

The Bruce Golding led Government recently stated that they cannot reveal their crime plan as it would tell the criminals too much and undermine the efforts of the government in ‘Taming the Crime Beast’, My interpretation of such statements is there is NO plan, and as usual we are just winging it…but then again, I am cynical.

And the logic of cynical reasonings are thus. In order to effectively combat crime in Jamaica, one of the first obstacles we have to tackle is a dated and ineffective police force. There is no evidence this task is underway so I have to conclude there is no method to the madness. We are just winging it and hoping the criminal element will find Jesus. While I hope they do get a little God in them, the burning question is:

How do we revolutionize a police force in short order?

The answer I am sure lies in some government white papers buried so deep they will never see the light of day. So again using a bit of common sense I have compiled a list of actions in no specific order to begin this arduous task.

1. Establishment of a central command

Creation of a central intelligence gathering and processing unit staffed by a small team of highly trained investigators who know how to assimilate data and how to look for patterns in information. This group will be the head of the spear which directs the actions of the larger body. Kingfish and 911 calls would be routed through this command center.

2. LoJack all Police cars

We need to place a tracker in all police cars so they can be located and monitored on a real-time map from central command; in this way, resources can be more carefully aimed at criminal activity. This also serves the purpose of pulling police officers in line and ensuring police cars are available for police business and not personal whims and pleasures.

3. Mandatory assistance

Police officers should be required by law to intervene in any disturbances they encounter in the streets and either resolve the problems themselves or radio in the location so other personnel can come in and resolve the issue. No more driving past car accidents, or broken down motorists, or sections of road way that are blocked off and obstructing the traffic flow. This will teach our police officers how to deal with problems - they cannot shoot in just any situation, and will aslo help with winning over the trust and respect of society who largely believe the police are the enemy.

4. Ban personal mobile phones for cops on active duty

Not only does it look unprofessional but it is a source of interruption in times of crisis.

5. Renovate police stations

Renovate all police stations so that officers can have a comfortable home base from which to work. By fostering pride in their surroundings officers can feel better about themselves and the jobs they do.

6. Evolution of the big book

Retire the ‘Big Book’. Enter statements in a central computer database so data can be measured, searched, analyzed and accessed in real time, across space and time. This database should also interface with the fingerprinting database. This will actually give the police intelligence on which to base their work. As it is now, big books are for reference and cannot share information, which makes it very ineffective.

Scenario 1
You need a police report, so you have to go to theMinistry of Justice to pay for the report and then go elsewhere to pick it up days later.

Scenario 2
You need a police report, you go to the Ministry of Justice to pay for it, they search their database, print your statement, stamp it and hand it to you within minutes.

7. Hire secretaries for police stations

The practice of using a trained police officer for data entry is downright stupid. Each police station should be provided with a secretary to take statements and enter them in the computer system. This way we will free up wasted man power which can be utilized more effectively. Another important function this will serve is to take the headache out of giving a statement to someone who can spell your name.

These are just some suggestions to get the ball rolling…we don’t have to implement the all immediately to get things going. If we break it into prioritized tasks and do it step by step, I am sure in a few years Jamaica could have a police force it can be proud of.

That being said, how did Ms. Judith Ramlogan become head of Companies of Jamaica (formerly Registrar of companies) Why isn’t she instead director of Jamaica’s manned mission to Mars?

I asked these question after having the great misfortune to engage in debate with Ms. Ramlogan about the responsibilities of her organisation to provide information about their services to their clients, this was her response:

“The mandate of my company is to register businesses, we are not in anyway obligated to provide information to our clients about our services”

Ms Ramlogan went as far as to suggest that prospective clients of her office should seek legal help and be advised by their legal advisors about the services offered by Companies of Jamaica.

Good thing I wasn’t wearing my good ‘going out clothes’ as I have never had so much bullshit shovelled in my direction, outside of a political rally. The inane arrogance portrayed by Ms. Ramlogan not only leads me to question her abilities and fitness for her position, but urges me to demand her immediate removal from the post, if, like her I knew somebody, who knows somebody who knows her boss.

Incidentally after leaving Ms. Ramlogans office covered in manure, I had no option but to go pay my ‘hidden fees’ and register my business, at which point I was told to come back for pick-up on monday. I went on Tuesday only to be told:

“This is a renewal, it takes five days instead of two, if you wanted it in two you should have paid a rush fee of 1500.00″

(one of those bits of information I should have gotten from legal counsel) Now I am contemplating firing my legal counsel who did not properly inform me of the inner workings of Companies of Jamaica.

Now was Ms Ramlogan in charge of Jamaica’s diamond mines, I would not be too perturbed as pretty much the only mischief she could have gotten up to is probably falling into a mineshaft, with poor acoustics so we would never have to listen to her cockeyed mangling of the role of Companies of Jamaica.

Instead I will just have to comfort myself that darwinism usually take care of the idiots first.

If you had planned to or is interested in setting up a business in Jamaica, don’t despair, the cheat sheet for Starting a business in Jamaica should get you started and point you to additional resources so you won’t suffer the same way I did.

Young girls strutting there stuff in two piece bikinis for a chance at the big time…not a problem in and of itself, except that one of the girls happens to be 13 years old and the other 14…WTF!!!

Why is there no minimum age for whoring out little girls? This is absolutely ridiculous…what’s the next step…the pole? It is mind boggling at times the fuckery that takes place in this country of ours? and its even worst when its pass off as business as usual.

Look! we know that Jamaica is not the most up and up place on this big blue marble…but that doesn’t mean we can’t set some bare minimums…identify some lines we do not cross, some things we still hold and keep sacred, and some steps we refuse to take…the innocence of children should be foremost amongst these things.

13 and 14 year old girls in two piece bikinis is not something we need to do, not something we should condone. Even if there is no law against it…Pulse and its managers need to at least wait until the “little pickney“ dem “bust breast”, pseudo kiddie porn is just WRONG!!

It hit Haiti, past the eastern tip of Jamaica, did an about face to start its run from Morant Point, down the length of the island.

Despite the loss of life and property damages, we must nevertheless realize that Jamaica in spite of its “wickedness” is indeed a God Blessed island.

This Gallery is tribute to Gustav and all it didn’t do, check back as I will be adding pictures as people get back light and the images come in.

Big shout out to Kaylia, Moiya and Yolan who sent in these.

12►

Spoken like the Champion we know he is. Jamaica’s Asafa Powell got his redemption, anchoring the men’s 4×100 team to a gold medal in world record time 37.10, 3/10s of a second off the old mark…is that even human?

These games of the 2008 Olympics have been the most successful for Jamaica bar none, we have totally dominated the track, with a dazzling array of speed and personality, it was Jamaica to the World.

Congratulations to Jamaica and the Jamaican Olympic team.

Congratualtions to Jamaica and the Jamaican Olympic team for an unprecedented 6 Gold Medals, 3 silver medals and 2 bronze for an astonishing total of 11, and a ranking of 3rd place in track and field and 13 overall. Not bad for a country of 2.8 million people.

Undoubtedly Jamaica took 1st place in the medals per capita. Amidst all the celebrations and joy we must not forget the lessons that this Olympic has taught us. Jamaica is not doomed, we are in fact just a little lost. We can be made to forget our problems, and our differences, we can cease the senseless violence if we are offered something better.

The team offered us that something better, if only for a week we were inspired with a vision of greatness. No people wants to live in constant warfare, if offered an option we will choose peace and love, sometimes we just need someone to go ahead and light the way.

Jamaican medal winners for the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

U. Bolt - Gold - 100m, 200m, 4×100m relay. S. Frazier - Gold - 100m, V. Campbell-Brown - Gold - 200m, M. Walker - Gold - 400m Hurdles, N. Carter, M. Frater, A. Powell - Gold - 4×100m Relay, S. Simpson - Silver - 100m, S. Williams - Silver - 400m, K. Stewart - Silver - 100m - Bronze - 200m, S. Lloyd, R. Whyte, S. Williams, N. Williams - Bronze 4×400m Relay.

I DID NOT VOTE

Before I go any further into this essay, let me state, “I have never voted” not because I don’t think it’s important…but simply because there has not been a candidate with enough, balls, values, or good sense to inspire me to.

What is wrong with Jamaica? why is it our continuous misfortune to be saddled with political leaders who are too stupid to at least Google the word leadership, so that they would at least have some clue of what their job descriptions are?

Look, I know they do not have all the answers…nobody does. But how about AN answer? Just one about something that is a little bit more relevant to the Jamaican society, than probing FINSAC or removing Beka Lamb from the CXC syllabus because it has expletives in it. Let us face the real issues, our students are too busy making phone porn right now to be bothered with reading…and for those who bothered to read it, I am sure they hear a lot worse on the streets going to school each day.

Why can’t our political leaders just cut the crap, get off their asses and lead? Not only did we elect them to office, we also pay them to do a job. It is not a favor, it is their job, their responsibility, they owe it to us! I have heard the debate about teachers being paid based on the performance of their students…how about ministers being paid based on the performance of their respective portfolios? Can anyone say ‘Dead fi ‘ungry’?

One definition ofleadership states “Influencing a group of people to move towards its goal setting or goal achievement.” What is the goal, we as a country is trying to accomplish?

I have heard the speeches, but I also know that the words you preach from atop your soap boxes are not written or seemingly even endorsed by you. They are just empty words, that sound good but are devoid of conviction, resolve or heart.

IT IS OKAY TO NOT KNOW IT ALL

Yes really. it is okay, you don’t have to…as long as you have the maturity to admit that and follow up with the good sense to seek out ideas where you have none, as well as to provide the inspiration to follow through on those ideas.

You guys are the captains of the team, you are NOT the only players. You CAN’T win the game by yourself. You have to LEAD the team. Neither of you seem to have ever led anyone to anything (excluding the other spineless buffoons who follow you blindly) and they are not honest enough with themselves to tell you to your faces you are both ASSHOLES!

Mr. Prime Minister, Mrs. Opposition Leader, you are both ASSHOLES!!

I have said it, now let’s move on. If you guys are even remotely interested in being something other than I have just stated, this is the beginning of what you BOTH need to do.

1. We need a goal
And not some bullshit ten(10)page crap, but something concise and clear that can be easily understood and adopted by the masses. I know the election is not for another couple of years but use the media to rally the country behind this goal.

E.G. Work together for a better Jamaica

2. We need plans
A series of well thought out strategies, that we can execute to achieve the goal stated above. We can start from the little things and work our way up, so we can gradually get people used to the idea of change while giving them a feeling of empowerment.

3. Communicate
And I don’t mean talking a lot without saying anything like you do now. Instead break down the plans into simple stages and explain it to the masses (yes the masses - they are important, you can’t get shit done without them, they are your TEAM). Outline the issue, explain the strategy we are going to employ, explain the role you will play in the execution of said strategy and IMPORTANTLY explain our role as citizens. Seriously Mr. G, after a year I still have no clue what your plans are, or the contributions you expect me to make as a citizen.

4. Acquire some RESOLVE
Guts, balls, gumption, the desire and strength to fight for this country of ours, against insurmountable odds if necessary. Ask yourself this, are you a Sam Sharpe or a Paul Bogle. Would you give your life if necessary to put Jamaica on the path to peace and prosperity? Well lucky for you, we are not asking you to sacrifice your life…you just need to sacrifice some of your indulgences.

5. Provide inspiration
You need to inspire the country (the TEAM) to want more, to seek change for the better, you need to GIVE US HOPE.

We have no hopes, no dreams to hold unto, nothing to look forward to or work towards, except our own selfish ends. Inspiration is free, it will not add to the budget, you need to rally the TEAM, unite us under one flag and motivate us to work towards that common end…the betterment of all. No matter how good the plan, if we don’t play our part you can change nothing.

Jamaica is in a hole, socially, morally, financially and any other allys you care to throw in. Unless TEAM Jamaica pulls together, we are going down. Our elected officials need to stop being arrogant and engage us the people, set us goals, explain the plans, give us our roles, lead with courage and conviction and we will follow.

If you don’t have a plan, do not despair, just set the goal, engage us and we will help you find the strategies. What is most important, is that you get real and be prepared to do what needs to be done.

Somethings to start with if you are still clueless

- Let us form a resolution to do everything we can do, to improve life in Jamaica. Not just for some but for all who are willing to work for it.

- Let us start with the little things, lets cut out the stupid things that distracts us from the real purpose, let us use our power for good.

- Let us have zero tolerance for men pissing in public on our streets.

- Let us stop putting half ass measures in place, if we are going to arrest Bounty Killer for expletives at an adult event, let us also arrest minibus drivers who play the same expletive laden songs on public transportation meant for all.

- Let us live within our means. If the TEAM is facing deprivation, then the captains have no right to be living grandiosely at our expense.

- Let us make the little resources we have count.

- Let us see crime for what it really is; a Jamaican problem rather than a problem for the police. Face it, until we as a nation see the need and the benefits of policing ourselves, the police are powerless. However let us also give the police the tools they need to fight crime. They need intelligence, and the ability to access that intelligence in the field. The big books are obsolete, technology can do a lot more than just talking.

- Let us accept and forgive ourselves of past failures and shoulder our responsibilities for the future. After all if everyone was working together to make Jamaica a better place, there would be no need for me to write this anymore.