The culture of Jamaica flows through the streets of Kingston, alive and pulsating, and it is a treat for Jamaicans and visitors alike. You can enjoy the bounty of Kingston and be safe just by being aware of and avoiding Kingston 10′s deadliest neighborhoods.

1. August Town
Often at war within itself or with neighboring communities like Hermitage and Goldsmith Villa (Angola).

2. Denham Town
Reputedly the home base of the miscreants who started the battle in Hannah town recently. A few years back the local police station in Denham town was laid to siege for days by Gunmen.

3. Grants Pen
Somewhat calm in recent times, Grants Pen is never to be taken as a tourist destination and should be avoided if possible.

4. Hannah Town
Most recently the staging area of a three hour gun battle between law enforcement personnel and Gunmen.

5. Jungle
This PNP Garrison has been fairly stable in recent times, but with entrenched political and gang warfare, anything is possible.

6. Maxfield
Had some unrest a few weeks ago, but has since settled into a tense calm. Should be avoided if at all possible as one can never quite predict when it may explode.

7. Mountain View
Recent venue for one of the largest guns and ammunition find in recent history. It is fairly calm now but goes off periodically without warning.

8. Rockfort
Currently facing unrest; gang fighting has residents spending long hours on the floor.

9. Tivoli Gardens
Home base of Christopher ‘Dudus’ Coke, JLP strongman and the extradition bone over which the USA and Jamaica are currently fighting. It is usually peaceful under “The President’s” iron fist, but if the extradition happens, the power vacuum created could launch world war three.

10. Waterhouse
Gang warfare keeps this community in constant turmoil. Even when at peace, I would not venture into this community. Seriously unless you live there…keep out.

And here you have it Kingston’s 10 deadliest neighborhoods. Now there are other rough areas in and outside of Kingston, so dishonorable mentions goes to:

Angola
Hermitage
Rema
Seaview
Tavern
Waltham

Spanish Town (City)
Flankers (Montego Bay)
Naggos Head (Portmore)

If I have missed a community worth mentioning or you feel like challenging the inclusion of a particular one, please feel free to key it into the comments section.

Here are five tricks of the trade you can add to your arsenal to help you survive as a small business owner in Jamaica.

1. Use JMMB for banking

Your JMMB account can function as a checking account without incurring the fees associated with a regular checking account by a commercial bank. They charge a service charge plus GCT for each cheque requested, but this can easily be avoided by requesting your cheques online.

2. Maintain the cash equivalent of one to two months of expenses in your account

Most clients make their payments to vendors at the end of the month. This cheque, most likely, will be held by your bank (including JMMB) for 5 to 7 working days. Now considering that your bills as well as GCT are due at the end of the month, you might not have the luxury of waiting a week to access the cash you have collected. Holding the cheque against your float allows you access to your cash immediately so you can meet your obligations on time.

3. Run a home/virtual office

Run your business from your home if this is at all possible. This not only keeps your overhead to a minimum but can also assist you in meeting your personal mortgage/rental payments. It may be attractive and seem more professional to rent an office, but many small businesses do not survive long enough to grow into the space too hastily rented. Operate from your house if possible and grow out of it. If you need to meet with clients, meet either at their office or over lunch. Yes, you might have to spring for the check…but remember that this too is tax deductible.

4. Do not post invoices to your accounting system until they are paid

Once you post an invoice to your accounts you will have to pay the GCT on that invoice whether or not the client has paid. You can claim back for it on your next GCT payment, but paying out money you have not yet received is always bad and should be avoided at all costs.

5. Avoid under the table transactions

In a shrinking economy where you face heavy taxation, this may seem attractive, since it puts money directly into your pocket and saves you from paying taxes on these transactions. However, this practice actually strangles the inflow of cash into your business. So while your personal coffers are being fattened, you might find that your business is struggling to meet its financial obligations and stay afloat. Remember not everything that is good for your personal financial state is good for your business. Do not CANNIBALIZE your source of income.

If you have any tips you would like to add to this arsenal please add them in the comments section below.

GOOD LUCK!

Likewise in true “Third World” fashion do not expect much in terms of directions, advice and/or explanations. To quote the Director of Companies of Jamaica, the body responsible for registering business names and incorporating companies, Ms. Judith Ramlogan, “Our company is not obligated to provide information about our services to our clients.”

Despite such arrogance and stupidity, do not be discouraged. I have compiled the Jamaican Cheat Sheet: Small Business to help you find your way.

Registering your Business
First stop is the Companies of Jamaica website where you can download and print the form you require, depending on your needs. What they may or may not tell you though is that:

Expiration of your certificate does not mean cancellation; you continue to owe the Government for all renewals until the name is cancelled. Keep in mind you might also be audited for taxes although your business is defunct.

Also need to walk with 3 passport-sized pictures and your TRN number and remember the registration fee.

Companies of Jamaica
1 Grenada Way
Kingston
Tel: 876-908-4419-26

National Insurance Scheme (NIS)
Download your relevant NIS forms and complete and drop off at the NIS office.

Walk with two 2 passport size pictures signed by a JP and your birth certificate.

National Insurance Scheme
18 Ripon Road
Kingston 5
Tel: 876-929-7144-6

Taxpayer Registration Number (TRN)
Download your TRN FORMS and drop off at the office. Requirements are the same as those for the (NIS) number.

TRN Office
Kingston Mall
12 Ocean Boulevard
Kingston
Tel: 876-922-7429/922-3913

Inland Revenue Dept.
Register with Inland Revenue Department for income tax. Download the applicable forms. Register for Income Tax, Education Tax (ED Tax), General Consumption Tax (GCT) and other statutory deductions.

National Housing Trust (NHT)
Download the relevant forms, complete and drop off at the NHT office.

National Housing Trust
4 Park Boulevard
Kingston 5
Tel: 876-929-6500/929-6627

Tax Compliance Certificate (TCC)
Download the TCC form and email it to the following locations.

KINGSTON: tcckingstreet@ird.gov.jm
CONSTANT SPRING: tcccspring@ird.gov.jm
SPANISH TOWN: tccspntwn@ird.gov.jm
MANDEVILLE: tccmandeville@ird.gov.jm
MAY PEN: tccmaypen@ird.gov.jm
ST. ANN’S BAY: tccstaby@ird.gov.jm
MONTEGO BAY: tccmobay@ird.gov.jm

You can collect your TCC within 24 hours from the location you sent your email to.

NOTE
All information listed here is schedule to change and expect this to be as tedious and as time consuming as possible. In the end though it is well worth it as without your contribution to the country’s coffers you really do not have a say.

After looking through my logs I have noticed that the most popular search term has been “Life in Jamaica” followed closely by “is weed legal in Jamaica”. So to set the record straight I have decided to publish the “Official” un-official guide to Life in Jamaica.

Disclaimer: information provided here is provided as is and purely from my point of view as an individual citizen. Any harm accidental or otherwise is not the responsibility of this author as information provided is provided as is, without warranty, for educational purposes only. Also please note: my perch is an apt in New Kingston with a background in Portland bush via uptown…other viewpoints might provide different results.

So here goes:

The Official “Un-Official” Guide to Life in Jamaica by Topic that popped in my head:

General Living

Life in Jamaica is a quirky juxtaposition of elements and ideas that provides for a very rich and varied experience. Life here flows along at quite a relaxed pace and as such no event ever starts on time. Do not be fooled by this however as Jamaicans are always in a hurry, especially when driving, we drive as if the pearly gates are around the next bend and closing fast. We are a passionate people, quick to laugh and quick to fight, we pride ourselves on our ingenuity and natural talents and as such usually view hard work and training as a waste of time.

We are fairly shallow and easily impressed by material trappings so…image is very important to us. All in all most of us have our hearts in the right place…though our fickle “red yeye” nature tends to move it around pretty liberally…If they have street corners in heaven, then that would be where you would find the Jamaicans.

Ganja (marijuana, pot, weed)

Smoking weed (marijuana, pot, weed) in Jamaica is ILLEGAL…yep you can actually get arrested for it. But one of the quirks of this colorful island is that having a law and enforcing a law are two whole different kettles of fish. Generally you will not be arrested or harassed for smoking a spliff (unless the policeman in particular is broke). You can see people puffing away quite happily at parties, clubs, events and street sides unmolested. Beware of trying to taking the weed out of the country though…exporting or attempting to export Ganja is a serious crime and is treated as such.

Crime

Like everywhere else in the world where you have people, you have crooks…it has been this way since the beginning. You have to be careful especially in the city; however, do no’t panic from the scary tourists advisory you might hear. They give statistics which often do not reveal the true situation. Yes we have a high murder rate, yes they call us the murder capital of the world. However, what is important is that people are not being killed willy-nilly.

Jamaica’s high murder rate is linked to a complex web of gang activity, drugs, guns and turf wars. We also have a high incident of domestic murders. So keep your nose clean, avoid gangs, drugs, guns, turf wars and stay far away from your psychotic relatives and you should be just fine.

Money

We never have enough and for the average Jamaican life is a constant hustle. We do however enjoy a fair standard of living for a third world country and while we definitely have poverty here, we are not all living in “tar paper shacks in Montego Bay”. The rich in Jamaica have more money than God; the rest of us make do. Our currency is the Jamaican Dollar, but US Dollars, English Pounds, and Canadian Dollars are also legitimate currencies and will be accepted almost everywhere. Beware of the exchange rate you get for these foreign currency transactions though.

Men

Irresponsible, charming, egotistic with a fragile sense of masculinity. Jamaican men are a very complex species. Our self concept is largely tied to our prowess with the ladies, the amount of money in our pockets and our ability to “floss” wherever we go. Stylish and fun loving, we play hard.

Our promiscuity and underdeveloped fatherhood instincts make us poor husbands and fathers generally, but we have been working on those weaknesses. Whatever you do, NEVER, under any circumstance, challenge a Jamaican male’s masculinity. This includes disses in front of his crew, woman, or any questioning of his masculinity. This is the surest way to turn a normal easy going dude into a raging maniac.

Bottom line: Handle with Care!

Women

High maintenance, smart, sexy, Jamaican women are at the top of the game. They are natural divas who make the best use of resources at their disposal to ensure they are always looking their best. They are generally more educated than the men (statistically speaking) and tend to be on the voluptuous side.

If you like a girl with a phat ass, then Jamaica is definitely your paradise…If you have never danced with a Jamaican woman then you have never really danced. Be careful, however, all that glitters is not gold…some of these girls come with shovels for hands and they will take you for all you are worth.

Bottom line: Treat them good and prepare to spend.

Music

This is Reggae and Dancehall country…we have a couple of alternative and pop acts plus a few wannabee rappers floating around…but Dancehall and Reggae rule the landscape. I could not begin to scratch the surface on Jamaican music here so grab your favorite search engine and look it up.

Ethnicities

The majority of the population comprises of people of African descent, with pockets of Indians, Whites and Chinese. There is also a reasonably large portion of the population who is of mixed parentage.

Religion

Jamaica has one of the highest ratios of churches per square mile in the world. The country is primarily Christian, with a little bit of everything else thrown in. Our Christianity however is usually found combined with some of the African traditions the slaves took with them, for example spirit possession. Religion is not generally regarded as a part of daily life… teachings and principles are usually reserved for Sundays (church day). 

Also important to the Jamaican religious landscape is Rastafarianism, grounded in the teachings of Marcus Mosiah Garvey and centered around the idea that Haile Sellassie I is the last incarnation of God.

Politics

Or politrix as it is more appropriately reffered to by some, is largely a popularity contest between the two main political parties. The ruling People’s National Party led by the first female leader of the country, Portia Simpson Miller, and the Bruce Golding led opposition, the Jamaica Labour Party.

These two parties have evolved along identical lines of self aggrandisation for the political leaders and little if any ideological differences. For those who bother to vote, the choice is usually made based on tradition, where one was brought up, family preferences and personal and business links.

Despite all of this, Jamaica has enjoyed a stable “democratic” system of government from independence in 1962 until present day.

Infrastructure

Is generally good for a third world country…access to electricity and communications is almost universal. We also have a very good water supply (you can drink from the tap) though you might face water restrictions in certain areas during the dry season.

Educational standards are fair to good as well as access to health care and transportation. With the launch of the Highway 2000 project, an effort is being made to build a highway to link all the parishes together.

Homophobia

Jamaica has always been highly homophobic which has been fueled in part by the very strong anti-gay themes which can be found in popular music. In the last decade or so there has been a largely un-acknowledged shift in the population’s stance towards homosexuality and many “openly” gay men and women now live here without the levels of harassment that would be expected from a highly homophobic society.

Of late, clashes between the public and homosexuals seem to only occur when gays try to take their lifestyles to the public space.

Bottom line: If you are gay, keep it to yourself. All public homosexual activity will be treated with extreme prejudice.

Corruption

Jamaica is ranked as being highly corrupt. This is true especially in politics, our police force and government. Both political parties and many members of parliament have been linked to any number of scandals. Red tape is so efficient that most people find it convenient to just grease the wheels in any official transactions.

Police

Are traditionally seen as agents of the state rather than servants of the people. The general population has very little trust in the police force to “protect and to serve”; rather they are seen as an extension of a corrupt state and pretty much “uniformed hustlers”.

Traffic police are especially corrupt, so most traffic violations can be negotiated for between $500 and $2,000 Jamaican dollars depending on the severity of the breach.

Our police force is mostly comprised of undereducated, undertrained individuals who are “looking a food” rather than upholding the laws of the state. Heavily armed, they should always be handled with care.

Fashion

Fashion is very important for Jamaicans, and no expense is spared to ensure that we are wearing the best of the best that we can afford and sometimes ill afford. Our sense of fashion goes beyond mere clothing and footwear and includes our accessories.

In recent years cell phones and cars are as much a part of one’s fashion statement as what we wear.

Fashion tends to follow trends which might suggest we are not that interested in looking unique but rather that we are able to afford and wear whatever is in.

Nightlife

Jamaica is party central, we are famous party animals, most parties go on until the sun comes up…and then some go longer. Generally, parties and sessions start very late…so if you want to head out at 10 p.m. chances are you are going to help with the setup.

There are also a wide variety of parties you can attend; from clubs and sessions to street dances that have flourished in the inner city communities – Early Mondays, Passa Passa, Dutty Fridays to name a few.

Jamaica is not only about parties. We have a pretty vibrant theatre scene with 2-3 different plays running at any given time as well as poetry readings, Jam sessions and the cinema. Being an hour from the US does have its benefits as movies usually open in Jamaica the same day as in the US or a few days after.

Whatever your taste you should be able to find something to whet your appetite.

Summary

This list is by no means exhaustive. As such this post will be updated from time to time to add or edit topics as the need arises. If I have missed something or if you have a query please post it in the comments section.

So here goes: My 10 tips to stay motivated and sweat for that summer body.

1. Work out to music

Nothing like some power tunes to help get the blood flowing and that lazy ass moving. If you have an iPod check out nikeplus.com. If you do not have an iPod, do not worry; any mp3 player will do. If you do not have an mp3 player then a Discman or a walkman will suffice. Yeah you might look old school, but ignore the snickers…they have the added benefit of doubling as light weights.

2. Challenge yourself

Run with a stopwatch, walk with a pedometer, do more reps and keep tabs. Set goals, do more, push hard…inside every tub of lard is a ____________ (insert appropriate imagery).

3. Train with someone more disciplined than you

Most people by themselves do not have the drive or the focus. It is a lot easier to wish and do nothing. Get a training partner who will push you rain or shine; the excuse the gut is a sign of prosperity has lost its shine.

4. Integrate exercise into your lifestyle

Plan around your exercise; other shit is always going to pop up. If you only exercise when you have time you will forever be lazy and fat!

5. Leave the mobile phone at home

You cannot talk and push for that extra mile at the same time. If you weren’t such an out of shape sad-sack you would be confident that they would be call back.

6. Wear comfortable, appropriate footwear

Your feet bear the brunt of the strain. Nothing kills vibes like bruised, sore feet. Take the time to love your feet, they will be carrying you for the rest of your life. If you are a runner, wear running shoes, not dress shoes or tennis shoes or basketball shoes. The only thing worse than a fat ass, is a fat ass with a limp.

7. Walk, run, skip or play

As long as you do it regularly. The gym can be expensive, walking and running is free. For less than the cost of your cell phone you can get a decent pair of trainers. Skipping? Any old piece of rope will do.

8. Free aerobics at Emancipation Park

7-8 p.m. Monday to Thursday check out the free aerobics class at the Emancipation Park. Yeah freeness, it does not get any better.

9. Look in the Mirror

Yes…stand naked in front of your mirror and do not suck your gut in. IF that is not motivation enough, then you are hopeless.

10. Keep thinking “exercise increases stamina”

Yep…become the stud in bed you wish you were. If you cannot run 400 meters…10 minutes of sex is going to positively kill you.

11. And the bonus

Get stronger and faster so you can chase me down, catch me and kick my ass for calling you a…Lazy Ass, Chunky Butt, Dough Person, if you are too lazy to go out and get sweaty!

After asking around a bit, I learned that it costs approximately $2,000-$3,000 JMD to unlock a phone at Best Buy in the New Kingston Shopping Center so I paid them a visit.

I gave my phone to the girl at the counter and asked her if they could unlock it for me. She took the phone and disappeared in the backroom. When she returned about three minutes later she told me “it would cost $7,500 JMD to unlock the phone” and that “it took 5-10 working days”. Furthermore, ”if it did not work, I could bring it back” – no shit.

Realizing she was on crack or something, I took my phone and hit the internet to dig up some answers of my own. This research I share as is:

Preamble

T-Mobile’s policy is to give the unlock codes for their phones to customers who have been with them for at least 3 months. This clearly does not include foreigners who buy phones and without plans and leave the country.

Solution

Find a friend or relative in the US who has been a T-Mobile customer for at least 3 months. Furnish them with the relevant information depending on your phone model: for the Blackberry it was an IMEI number which you can find under the options menu-phone status.

Have your relative or friend call/email T-Mobile support and request the unlock code under their account. T-Mobile emails the unlock code and instructions to them, they email it to you and your phone is unlocked for for free.

Now the funny part of the story…when I asked the girl at Best Buy why it would take 5-10 working days, her response was “because the phone is just like a computer and they have to load the software on it”….priceless!

Here I will outline a method of transferring money that is more cost effective and convenient than Western Union or any of the other players in the transfer business. This assumes you are sending or receiving cash from one person fairly regularly.

TRANSFER MONEY FROM THE US TO JA

1. Get your spouse, father, mother or whomever is minding you to open a checking account with Bank of America.

2. Have them get and activate the check card and send it to you via FedEx or with someone who coming down. (Do not tell that person the pin number)

3. Go to any Scotia ATM and withdraw to your heart’s content. You can also use the card as a debit/credit card.

BONUS: Scotia Bank has a foreign exchange ATM in Liguanea where you can actually get your money in US$ and avoid “tiefing” exchange rates.

NB. If the account goes below the minimum limit of $25 (have them verify this amount) It will attract a charge so do not go below this minimum balance as the fees are fat ($35.00) I think. Alternatively, you can have them use a savings account to provide overdraft coverage, although this will attract a $10 charge for each transaction. Bottom line, avoid the fees or this is not free or in fact cheaper.

TRANSFER MONEY FROM JA TO THE US

In the unlikely event you want to send cash to someone in the US.

1. Create a Scotia Bank account and get them the Scotia ATM card.

2. They then go to any Bank of America ATM and withdraw the money.

NB. I am not sure what Scotia Bank’s minimum is to keep an account active. Figure that out and have them keep that in the account at all time. Also be aware that the Scotia card will not work as a debit/check card in the US.

CONCLUSION

This may work for other banks, but I have only done this with BA and Scotia. If you use a BA card in NCB there is a $5 US charge. The card will not work in a RBTT ATM.

The reason this works is that BA and Scotia are a part of a global alliance, and so member banks’ customers can use each other’s ATMs at no charge.

Now share this with everyone who might need this info

These guys take service to the next level. None of that “a suh Jamaica run” crap. It is so refreshing to find a bank that actually lets you feel like you are more than a walking wallet. JMMB gets customer service right.

2. Speed

I can actually go in and out in under 15 mins at almost any time of the day! Try that with Scotia or NCB where the average wait is measured in hours. My last NCB wait was 2 1/2 hours, Scotia 1 hour 20 minutes.

3. Chequing Account Capabilities

I can get a cheque issued in the name of anyone, my landlord, friend or family and they can pick it up directly from JMMB so I can pay individuals even when I am off the island. Furthermore if I request the cheque online, it is free.

4. Insurance

I am a freelancer so I do not get company medical. For the price of a night or two at Quad, JMMB provides me with BlueCross coverage.

5. Competitive Interest Rates

9.9 % at the time of posting on my savings account.

6. No Reference to Open Account

No stupid references needed to give them my money. Nothing annoys me more than being asked for reference to give someone my business. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

There you have it, my six reasons for using JMMB rather than a commercial bank like NCB or Scotia.