Yesterday we celebrated our first official “Brudus Day” in commemoration of Bruce Golding and his henchman, Christopher “Dudus” Coke, fucking Jamaica royally. This holiday, far from the usual script, gave us half a day home from work rather than the full day we have come to expect. Also we had no warning, no eve, no indication of the impending “everybody guh home early” to go out and properly prepare for the day.

SO we celebrated “Brudus Day” for half a day, huddled in our cars, stuck in traffic, crapping our pants praying to get home before the “fireworks start”. The fact that it took some people up to three hours to travel 2-3 miles meant we did not get the chance to eat and drink as we would like, since we did not have a a “Brudus Eve” and did not get a chance to stock our glove compartments.

“Brudus Day” did however gave us a chance to talk and cry with our friends, as we panicky keep calling, and Blackberry messenger-ing each other, for updates…weh yuh deh? Yuh reach home? Mi still inna traffic! Mi did jus downtown yuh nuh! Thank God mi reach home! Yuh reach? Thank God…mek sure de grill dem lock!

So how do we celebrate our next “Brudus Day”? Pretty much the same like the first, as this is a holiday that sneaks up on you like a gunman, without warning, without eve. But at least we made a carol we can sing while we huddle in our cars, stuck in traffic:

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Bruce and Dudus are burning the town!!

1. Only original and certified copies of documents are accepted

2. Need one valid ID (Driver’s license, National ID or Passport)

3. If the National ID is used, you also need to provide a certified copy of your birth certificate

4. Applicants using Birth Certificate and a certified photograph for ID must submit their application in person.

5. Return completed Form 1 to Taxpayer Registration Centre (TRC) or nearest Collectorate with supporting documents.

http://www.jrs.gov.jm/TaxAdministration.php?page_id=3&id=25

Application Information for Form 1 – to be completed if box #30 (Employer’s name and address) is completed on Form 1 (Application for Tax Registration Number (Individuals))

http://www.jrs.gov.jm/TaxAdministration.php?page_id=3&id=26

For amendments, you can submit the TRN Supplemental Information form (Individuals)

http://www.jrs.gov.jm/TaxAdministration.php?page_id=3&id=27

Applying for a Taxpayers Registration Number – (TRN – for Organizations)
Application for Tax Registration Number (Organizations)

http://www.jrs.gov.jm/TaxAdministration.php?page_id=3&id=28

Documents needed

• 1. Certificate of Incorporation
• 2. Constituting Documents
• 3. NIS Reference Card
• 4. NIS Clearance Letter
• 5. Business Name Registration Certificate

If additional branches exist, the Additional Information (Organizations) Form – Business Branches must be filled out for each location.

http://www.jrs.gov.jm/TaxAdministration.php?page_id=3&id=42

If changes to company information need to be made, submit the following Supplemental Information Form (Organizations).

http://www.jrs.gov.jm/TaxAdministration.php?page_id=3&id=29

Additional Information

Please note the information provided including website links may change at anytime. For more information visit http://www.jrs.gov.jm/ or call 876.922.1291 / 876.924.9147

10. The Motor Vehicle Ticketing System
Points are allocated to your license based on traffic offenses which add up to a suspended license if you use up all your points. Incidentally you can also lose points for having a mechanical defect on your car. This seems like a good idea, but without a central database to manage all of this information, nobody, including the police officers issuing the tickets, seems to know how many points are against a particular individual. As such this is now the big stick corrupt Jamaican police officers use to try to get motorists to buy their way out of a ticket.

9. Flat Bridge
Deathtrap. Even though a number of people have lost their lives at this bridge site, to this date all we have built is a single-lane bridge with no guardrails. The terrain is rough I agree but that is what architects do – solve difficult problems with unique ideas. It seems like bridge building just is not our thing; it took us years to create an effective solution to the Yallahs Fording in St. Thomas as well.

8. Political System
See this post The Fissures in the Jamaican Political System

7. Free Health Care
Jamaica had problems offering quality health care to its citizens at a cost. So it is no surprise that the free health care being offered is pretty much a bad joke. One story making the rounds is that a patient from KPH was discharged, given a bag of blood in an igloo and told to get herself to UHWI for emergency dialysis.

6. Protection of Children (or Lack thereof)
Yes I know we have recently launched the Child Protection Act, which aims to prosecute adults who fail to report child abuse. I am curious though why this said protection does not seem to extend to children under government protection or the multitudes of children begging, hustling and cleaning windows at every other stoplight it seems these days. Who is responsible? Why is there no initiative to protect and provide for these children? Hmmmm I guess lip service only takes you so far.

5. GSAT
Common Entrance was not perfect, in fact it was far from it, but at least it set some sort of standard. So what do we do, replace it with a system where everybody “passes”? Come on who made the decision that any exam that a kid who cannot even read can “pass” is a joke? A horrible, twisted, sick dirty joke! Get real, the education system needs to be completely revamped and not this half ass trick being played on kids who are being sent to “high schools” I would send a dog to? Let’s get real, and get some standards.

4. Property Tax Collection
Also known as failure to collect taxes. While I can understand the issues involved in collecting taxes from self employed individuals and hustlers using an antiquated system that is a quagmire of moth balls and old paper, the fact that property tax compliance is a little over fifty (50) percent is kind of retarded, especially when this is viewed against the backdrop of a cash strapped government. It is not like property owners can hide the property. GET SOME BALLS! Collect the property taxes and lower the income tax.

3. National Debt
Trillions of dollars, and what makes this one particular galling is that we do not have shit to show for all this money that is owed. Ghettonomics at its best…borrow money to buy food, rims that spin backwards and live above your means, all bad when done by an individual…disgraceful for a country.

2. Murder Rate
Over 500 victims in a little over 100 days, we have managed reduced the value of human life to nothing…

1. Water
Rain on your roof, pipes bone dry, water bill at the end of the month. A bad joke in a bad comedy…actually I can do better…”Jamaica land of wood and what?”. Some might argue that placing the inability to provide citizens with water in their pipes as trivial when compared to say the murder rate above, but I beg to differ. The fact that as a nation we do not even have the vision and the ability to harness one of our most abundant resources is the perfect metaphor to sum up all the failures noted above. In 4,000 B.C. the Egyptians were able to build a flourishing empire in the middle of the desert. Fast forward to 2010 with all the technology and know how garnered over the last couple thousand years we cannot engineer adequate water supplies to on an island that is 1,114 square miles…EPIC FAIL.

The danger is not that this elected head is really in fact elected by a minority (the respective delegates of each party) but to creative thought and independent thinking inside such a system. In order for one to become ruler of the party one’s loyalty has to be to party first and foremost, power factions within the party which solidifies and support your power secondly and finally the electorate a distant 3rd if not further afield. One could no doubt argue that my reasoning is flawed and that our PM can determine his own course of action; this may be true but by the time an individual has toed the party line, and played yes man for 30 or so years, whatever original thought he started out with is long buried in the party’s collective consciousness, hence the uniformity in bipartisan political school of thought.

Even the youth arms of these two organizations are susceptible to this corrupting influence, regardless of how loud they may claim to encourage independent thought, the nature of the political structure dictates otherwise. How else could you explain the similarities in view points of the senior Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) and junior JLP, the senior People’s National Party (PNP) and Junior PNP. The viewpoints of both old an young differ on everything under the sun except politics. I find it more than coincidental that these youth arms sound identical to their senior counterparts. To gain favour and to move up the ranks invariably means agreeing with the more powerful sponsors who have the power to nip your career in the bud or proclaim you the new “rising star” of Jamaican politics.

By the time one becomes party president, individualism goes out the window and party line becomes paramount. If you should examine the speeches of current party leader and Prime Minister, Bruce Golding, when he briefly flirted with the gutsy move of breaking ties with the old traditions, baggage and excesses, the thoughts then were of an individual free to really think and speak as an individual rather than as the mouth piece of a larger consciousness.

As soon as he returned to the fold all good sense and reason went and the brief flash of brilliance seems to be little more than a dream. One might argue that the change is because he is a politician and he never meant what he said. I beg to disagree. I think he spoke as he did then because he did not have anything to lose and could afford to speak his mind. In this free flowing of ideas I believed he briefly flirted with the idea of putting the electorate first. Once he was reabsorbed, political reality dictated that party and power blocs become his priority and the electorate was once again relegated to the back burner.

We have painted ourselves in a corner, in effect all we have done is “swap black dawg fi monkey”.

Our current political system does not encourage change, our parties’ existence is dependent on maintaining the status quo. So even though the fissure in Bruce Golding’s character has been exposed in the last 3 years, our option for change is none other than Mrs. Portia Simpson-Miller who was as unremarkable, if less controversial, in her tenure as Prime Minister. We have painted ourselves in a corner and in effect all we have done is “swap black dawg fi monkey”.

So effectively we are down to a choice between two failures, two professional politicians, two individuals who have no leadership track record outside of their current leadership positions. What have both leaders led successfully which provides them with the necessary experience to run a country?

The fact is we are screwed, and the following points illustrate the extent:

1. We cannot choose our Prime Minister from the 2.8 million Jamaicans available.
What this means is we can never choose the best person for the job; we are limited to a choice of 2 or so individuals based on party politics.

2. Party success is often to the detriment of individual thought.
Even when we have bright minds entering politics the process is designed to strip all color and individuality from them to create party clones

3. Our elected officials have too much political baggage.
Internal maneuverings create candidates with long strings of debt. This translates into too many priorities placed before us, the electorate.

4. Be a yes man/woman long enough…kills independent thought.

5. There is no proving ground outside of the two cesspools to develop political leadership.

6. And the #1 reason we are screwed. We have narrowed our choice of leadership at any given moment to no more than 2-4 individuals who are decided on by tiny minorities with their own political agendas.

Until we fix these issues, it is going to be almost impossible to see any improvements in the moral fiber of our elected officials and we will continue to wallow in the quagmire of ineffective leadership.

(edited 09/04/2010)

The 39th Carifta games is now history and Jamaica continues their dominance at the top of the medal table with a total of 72 medals. Trinidad & Tobago was second with 40 and Bahamas 3rd with 29 medals. In total 12 records were broken including the: 400m by Kirani James of Grenada 45.45 and the 400m Hurdles by Jerue Gordon of Trinidad & Tobago in 50.01.

For a complete medals tables and meet records of the 39th Carifta games visit the official website @ http://www.carifta2010.ky/

Now it might seem mind boggling to some (it is to me) how a nation of over 2.8 million people, who cannot build a stable economy, cannot rein in one of the highest murder rates in the known world, can at the same time have such a profound impact on the world as we know it.

From Garvey to Bolt to Sean Paul and many more in between, we have, decade after decade, created individuals who routinely seem to do the impossible. Some would argue that it is due to our greatness as a people, but personally, I beg to differ.

I believe our countrymen are successful in spite of rather than because of us. Jamaica is world domination bootcamp! if you can succeed here in spite of the odds…you can succeed pretty much anywhere.

If we look back at history, while Marcus Garvey was educating the world and being hailed by many as a prophet, in Jamaica he was naught but a criminal, jailed on multiple occasions, then exiled from Jamaica, before dying in an alien country.

Bolt after showing early promise as a junior, went through a period of injury and no-shows, and was written off by many of the wagonists who are currently comfortably astride Boltmania. Sean Paul was a third tier DJ at best until he exploded overseas and only then did he ‘get a light’ from the local populace.

Jamaica is an island of paradox and ironies. No wonder foreigners often misunderstand and stereotype us. So let examine 10 popular myths about Jamaica/ns and bust them.

1. Weed is Legal in Jamaica – No weed is ILLEGAL. It is not as ardently policed on a spliff to spliff level as it was years ago…but it is still very illegal and you will still very much go to jail for smoking or having it on your person. It gets even more serious if you are caught trying to export it.

2. Jamaicans do not speak English – By virtue of being a former colony of Great Britain (England), the official language of Jamaica is English. A patois is spoken by many of the locals. It is a combination of their accent and mispronunciation of common English words, with the insertion of a few native phrases, which gives Jamaican speech the appearance of a foreign language.

3. Jamaica is very Dangerous – Jamaica is as dangerous as say…anywhere else in the world. Much of the famed Jamaican murder rate happens in ghettos where gangs and political forces are in constant struggle for scarce resources. If you avoid these hot spots, then the chance of you being killed is about the same as any other country with low to moderate murder rates.

4. All Jamaicans smoke Weed – This is about the same as saying that all Californians are surfers or all Texans are rednecks. Many of us do, but the majority does not.

5. Jamaicans are always Late – Hmmmm, this is a much more reasonable stereotype than #4, but again this is not true. Yes we tend to be laid back and loose in regards to time but that is not due to our nature as a people, rather to the culture of where we live. We are on time when we need to be. Try not showing up at the tax office on a month end half an hour early and see what happens.

6. All Jamaicans are Black – Nope! Our motto is “Out of Many, One People” and that is exactly what we are. Here is a more accurate breakdown – Black 91.2%, Mixed 6.2%, Other 2.6%.

7. Jamaicans laze around all day at the Beach – I wish, but then again I am not that fond of the beach. Indoors with the AC going is more to my taste…after all this is a tropical island.

8. All Jamaicans want to Migrate to the US or elsewhere – Many of us do, and a lot of us want to, but not everyone seeks the greener grass of foreign soil. The US Government is especially guilty of this very myopic viewpoint. While the opportunities of living in the US are vast compared to living in Jamaica, for some of us home is home and the beauty and vitality that is Jamaican daily life just cannot be found anywhere else. Also for a good number of us, the freedom and flexibility we gain from living here would have to be given up while living in a country like the US or England.

9. All Jamaicans are Aggressive – Nope! Of course many of us are outgoing and vocal and we pride ourselves in not taking crap from anyone…but that is a myth even Jamaicans have about Jamaica. Do not let our high strung nature fool you…most of it is like a summer breeze, gone as soon as it has blown its steam.

10. Jamaicans are Homophobic – The jury I would say is still much out on this one. If I was asked to debunk this myth 10 years ago I would have said yes we very much are, but seeing many openly and obviously gay individuals all over on a daily basis going about their business unharmed, I think we have become much more tolerant. However, public affection between gays, especially gay men, still seems to make our blood boil and incite a riot.

So there you have it…If I have missed anything please leave it as a comment and I will help you determine whether it is Jamaican fact or fiction.

For one, we are excellent sportspeople. From Herb McKenley to Merlene Ottey, to Usain Bolt, it is no secret that we Jamaicans possess the talents in athletic events. Many claim that whatever it is, it is in our diet.

Others say it is something that we have that makes us uniquely Jamaican. One hundred meter record holder Usain Bolt has come under heavy criticism for this. Though he argues he is under no more dietary supplements than the average Jamaican, scientists from the University of Iowa believe he is under the influence of some undetectable drug.

Sad but true, we have come under heavy criticism for our successes. But no Jamaican can argue that our diet of yam, cassava and dumpling, though a part of unique and delicious diet, helps our sportspeople go for the gold. And of course no other country in the world can contest us on that one. But it is more than just our diet that makes us successful as we are all resilient, arduous individuals, who work hard for our achievements. Jamaica: we likkle but we tallawah.

While sports is one thing Jamaicans do remarkably well in, something else we outperform other nations around the world in, is our music. From small lyrical artistes like George Nooks to international celebrities like Sean Paul and Shaggy to even historical icons like Bob Marley, it is not hard to see that we have reached very far. With such a small island and a population of over 2.8 million people, it is almost a miracle that our small voice has been heard, much less become a worldwide phenomenon.

Though songs by Shaggy and Sean Paul do incredibly well on the music charts around the world by staying on them for weeks and even months, it is the work or Bob Marley that is something to be heralded. His music has gone down in history as the best music of all time. Even after thirty (30) years, his music is still, by far, the most popular of all old time favourites at social events and even every day homes of not only locals but also households around the globe. He has set the trend for music, which has allowed many to follow in his footsteps. Now tell me, isn’t that truly amazing? Jamaica: we likkle but we tallawah.

Finally one of the things Jamaicans excel in, but is rarely recognized, is the field of medicine. With veterans like Mary Seacole and Thomas P. Lecky, it is no wonder that Jamaicans are more than just charisma and brawn. We have brains too! Thomas P. Lecky was the pioneer of the Jamaica Hope, a hybrid cattle he created by cross-breeding two species of cows. This sounds simple, but the average medical student can tell you that it is anything but that. He did what many before his time only dreamed of accomplishing. That alone goes to show you how determined and hardworking the average Jamaican is. Jamaica: we likkle but we tallawah.

So as you can see, there is more to Jamaica than meets the eye. We have come a long way in history and we have an exponential amount to show for it. Whether it is music, sports or even medicine, we are resilient and determined individuals. Anything we put our minds to, we can achieve. Jamaica: we likkle but we tallawah.

The culture of Jamaica flows through the streets of Kingston, alive and pulsating, and it is a treat for Jamaicans and visitors alike. You can enjoy the bounty of Kingston and be safe just by being aware of and avoiding Kingston 10′s deadliest neighborhoods.

1. August Town
Often at war within itself or with neighboring communities like Hermitage and Goldsmith Villa (Angola).

2. Denham Town
Reputedly the home base of the miscreants who started the battle in Hannah town recently. A few years back the local police station in Denham town was laid to siege for days by Gunmen.

3. Grants Pen
Somewhat calm in recent times, Grants Pen is never to be taken as a tourist destination and should be avoided if possible.

4. Hannah Town
Most recently the staging area of a three hour gun battle between law enforcement personnel and Gunmen.

5. Jungle
This PNP Garrison has been fairly stable in recent times, but with entrenched political and gang warfare, anything is possible.

6. Maxfield
Had some unrest a few weeks ago, but has since settled into a tense calm. Should be avoided if at all possible as one can never quite predict when it may explode.

7. Mountain View
Recent venue for one of the largest guns and ammunition find in recent history. It is fairly calm now but goes off periodically without warning.

8. Rockfort
Currently facing unrest; gang fighting has residents spending long hours on the floor.

9. Tivoli Gardens
Home base of Christopher ‘Dudus’ Coke, JLP strongman and the extradition bone over which the USA and Jamaica are currently fighting. It is usually peaceful under “The President’s” iron fist, but if the extradition happens, the power vacuum created could launch world war three.

10. Waterhouse
Gang warfare keeps this community in constant turmoil. Even when at peace, I would not venture into this community. Seriously unless you live there…keep out.

And here you have it Kingston’s 10 deadliest neighborhoods. Now there are other rough areas in and outside of Kingston, so dishonorable mentions goes to:

Angola
Hermitage
Rema
Seaview
Tavern
Waltham

Spanish Town (City)
Flankers (Montego Bay)
Naggos Head (Portmore)

If I have missed a community worth mentioning or you feel like challenging the inclusion of a particular one, please feel free to key it into the comments section.

“women who claimed to know the men said that they were asleep after the party, when they were attacked by the police”

quote from the Jamaican Gleaner

Classic example – Apparently we are getting more help from the residents of these volatile areas than we are letting on.

If I was one of those gunmen who woke up dead, I would be so vexed! Imagine you are taking a beauty sleep and police patrol roll into your ends and no one attempts to wake you? Even though you are wanted for rape, murder, robbery, among other things, not one knock on your door to warn you of your impending doom? Not one knock…not one phone call, not even a text message…even a please call me would suffice?

these women too damn lie!

The problem is these women too damn lie! Women in this beautiful country of ours need to stop covering up and telling lies for their wicked, murdering, thieving gunman sons, brothers, uncles, nephews, fathers or whatever the relationship is, or at least stop taking the rest of us for idiots and change the story up a bit.

Suggestions for cover stories for worthless gunmen protectors:

1. He was eating a romantic meal he cooked for his female love interest
2. He was taking a shower
3. He was reading a book or watching TV
4. He was helping a neighbour paint his house

Come on women, you must have another story. Those cretins you are protecting could not have beaten all the sense out of your head just yet…at least try to make your lame lies interesting…the rest of us decent folk really want to believe you. How can a man be a gunman and have dropsy?

Struuups – let me establish two things (a little late in the piece but…). First I was nowhere near the shootout and second I am no detective. All that aside however, if you look closely at the picture below of the two men allegedly murdered in their sleep…aren’t they wearing shoes?

Now I am not saying I am not partial to my socks…in fact the only time I am really without my socks is when I take a shower…but I think the odds of two men, at the same time, in the same house who both happen to have a thing for sleeping in their shoes seem to me to be about slim to none.

Let me know what you think…

Dead gunmen from the Hannah Town shoot out in Kingston - incriminating photo by Norman Grindley