Filed under: General, Jamaican Third World Moments — xhanubis @ 4:15 am

There are few things that are more aggravating than a dunce driver, and trust me there are more dunce drivers on our roads than you can cuss a badword at. Isn’t it kinda weird that most people drive like the gateway to heaven is around the next bend and they just baptise? whats the rush? It’s not like anybody ever reach anywhere early…It just seems like it is hard wired in our psyche to rush and hurry…even when we have no where to rush and hurry to.

There are more mad people on the road driving, than you can find at Bellevue any day of the week.

And it is quite evident if you should keep a watch on Hope Rd. on any night, particularly Saturday and Sunday nights. A few months aback one brethren kill off himself and another brethren at about 3am in the morning…where the hell could he be hurrying to at 3am? everywhere lock…

But then dunce is dunce…you can’t stop to let people cross the street without idiots behind you blowing, some people seem frighten for car horn or them just like blow. We need to ask purpose when the vehicle land on the wharf and if the answer is Taxi, just tear out the horn and throw it away right there.

I could go on for days writing about the escapades of the dunce drivers…so here goes, 8 ways to know if you are a Dunce Driver.

 

1. You drive an executive coaster bus or a robot taxi.

If you do, you are a dunce! past participle DUNCE!! Tear up the license you bought and leave driving to people with sense.

2. You watch the “other light” and drive off as soon as it turns red?

If you do you are an idiot, the delay is to facilitate the other idiot (and you might well be one) who speeds up on the amber to “mek it” through the red light. If you have ever had an accident at a stoplight and you were wrong then its just darwinism…the dumber ones die first and its more luck than merit why you are here reading this.

3. You race to beat everyone through the 4way stop?

If you are one of those pigs who think the four way stop is a race…ask the person who reading this article to you, to read you the relevant section of the drivers handbook (and yes you can look at the pictures).

4. You pull up right behind the car infront even if it mean blocking an intersection or minor road?

News flash, one car length closer to home is not going to change the price of your bread you selfish bastard.

5. You do not use indicators or hand signals.

Then how the hell will other people know you are turning or planning to? You would actually have to have a brain to qualify for mind reading…

6. You blow your horn as soon as the light goes green?

I have just one word for you monica: physics

7. You drive on the right hand side of the road to avoid waiting in line?

You are a coaster bus/ robot taxi driver! see above, I have nothing more to say to you.

8. You take detours to cut out traffic that bring you back to the same road?

Thats why the traffic backed up in the first place…idiots like you, trying to edge back unto the road. Cars travelling in a straight line travels faster than when intersecting at right angles.

If you realise you are a dunce driver…please for all thats good and pure…just tear up the license you bought and leave driving to people with sense or ask the person who is reading you this article to read you the drivers handbook.

Jamaica

Filed under: Jamaican Third World Moments — xhanubis @ 5:18 pm

I live in New Kingston, so unless I am going to Portland (parish of conception), I exist in pretty urban sorroundings, I have wireless, cable and even a standby generator in my complex so even when that rare power outtage occurs, I am usually blissfully unaware (excluding that dull roar of the generator in the background).
So whilst I drive full tilt down the information highway, checkking my email on my mobile phone as I go, I tend to periodically forget that I still live in a third world country.

So its moments like these that bring me back to reality…these little moments I like to call “third world moments”. If you are still unsure what qualifies as a third world moment, then just try to do business with or get any useful information from most government agencies. Lose your passport or drivers license and you will in very short order realise what I am referring to.

PARKING TICKET

So yesterday evening I pulled up infront of JMMB knutsford BLVD at about 6 pm, (let me state upfront I was going to park illegally really quickly and use their ETM).  Now before the wheels of the car stop turning this police man charged over and started yelling at me “ah haffi gi yuh a ticket, yuh park inna a no parking zone”.  At this point I was a bit taken aback as I really hadn’t parked yet…so I said to the officer “I haven’t parked as yet”.

The very irate police officer at this time started to shout even louder, that “yuh violate!, yuh violate!” at which point I started laughing (yeah I know…bad idea to laugh at an irate policeman with a gun) but I couldn’t help myself. Still thinking I could get throught to him, I said “officer you could have just said move along”, by this point I think he was conscious of the attention he was recieving, so he just gave me the silent treatment and wrote up the ticket.

By this point I figured I was getting the ticket anyway so why not just, park properly and do the business I was intending to do.

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY

Unless you are the type of person who have no qualms about going through the hassle of debating a parking ticket in court (a government office - see above), then be very careful where you stop, pullover or “bruk dung”…as you just might get a ticket for “stopping, pulling over or “brukking dung” in a no parking zone”.